It’s often said that the brain is the biggest sexual organ, and one of the situations in which this is most apparent is with male survivors of SCI. Because SCI provokes such an emotional response, it’s no surprise that these emotions have a significant impact on the man’s ability to participate in, and enjoy, sex. That being said, recognizing and treating emotional issues related to sex plays a significant part in the survivor once again having a fulfilling sex life.
Recognizing Emotional Issues
The most common emotional issues relate to how the survivor feels about himself following the accident, as well as how they perceive others will feel. Survivors often wonder if their partner, or the opposite sex, if they are single, will still find them attractive after the accident. They are fearful of maintaining their current relationships or in building new ones. They also worry about being able to perform, as well as pleasing their partner.
One of the biggest emotional hurdles the male survivor must get over is ascribing old sexual ideals to his situation post accident. Men frequently associate sexual success with penetration, ejaculation, and orgasm. After the accident, men often learn to judge the success of a sexual encounter by other criteria, such as touching, cuddling, and oral and manual stimulation. It’s not uncommon for paralyzed men to report that they have closer relationships after the accident than before.
Dealing with Emotional Issues
One of the best ways to deal with emotional issues regarding sex is to not sweep them under the rug. Since rehabilitation is supposed to take care of the social and emotional needs of the survivor as well as the physical, it’s important that sexual counseling is sought during this phase.
In addition to talking about their fears and anxieties surrounding sex, becoming educated on what sex entails for the paralyzed male can be extremely liberating. Talking with other survivors about their “first times” following the accident, joining chat rooms devoted to sex and relationships after SCI, and reading books and/or watching videos on the subject can give the survivor the confidence and knowledge he needs to move forward with this aspect of his life. Two excellent books on the subject are Is Fred Dead? A Manual on Sexuality for Men with Spinal Cord Injuries by Robert W. Baer, and Enabling Romance: A Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships for People with Disabilities (and the People who Care About Them) by Ken Kroll.